Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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