it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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