did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
