Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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