Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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