I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
