my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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