We won't sleep together?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
