Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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