Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
