So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
