Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
