somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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