I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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