i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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