I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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