I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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