I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
