So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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