I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
