And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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