Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
