I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
