I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
