I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Randomize
