Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
