I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
