What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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