What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
