After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
