well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
