Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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