Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I checked into jail on foursquare
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
