Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
In America we eat man semen.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize