I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He felt like a one man threesome
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
