just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
