..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
