I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
