I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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