saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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