last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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