maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
