dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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