Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
