direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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