i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My penis needs a shock collar
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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