he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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