and you said cock pushups were impossible
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We're not piercing ourselves today.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
