Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
