I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
