Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
