her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Randomize
