Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
