Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
