He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
