You really coming over, don't trick.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
