He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
