I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
