Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
