My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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