listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
