i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
