did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize