Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
