dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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