why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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