She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
