He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
