wat bout pragnant strippers??
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
