i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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