yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
