your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
