And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
