I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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