At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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