I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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