so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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